dance.

some mornings, i wake up and just feel like dancing. it's happy.

some mornings, i actually do wake up and dance. it makes me happy.



i love those mornings.

um.

i really wanted to blog... but i don't really know what to blog about... so i figured i'd just blog about that.

i had a wonderful summer... yay! ;] now my birthday's coming up... ehh.

butt head.

sometimes, i've found that we believe the entire world revolves around us; how we feel, what we want, how things should go for our benifit. i've also found, calling yourself a butt head every once in a while makes you realize that you aren't perfect... you're not even on a pedistal.

it helps me realize that the world does NOT revolve around me... things aren't gonna go the way i want them to go, i'm not gonna get everything i want, and just cuz i feel bad doesn't mean the world's gonna feel bad with me. sometimes it's a harsh realization, but i'm also glad i can realize it. i'm on a horribly distructive path if i never take in a real perspective and realize that life goes on... how am i supposed to live in the real world if i think that just cuz i hurt everyone else is going to or just cuz i'm happy everyone else is going to be happy, or even just because i want this or that, the worlds going to want me to have this or that? i'm not. because that is NOT the way life works. i'm so thankful i've been able to see that.

so here's to calling yourself a butt-head every once in a while...



hey, i think being a butt head is better than being an air head. but that's just me.

dream.

i'm a big believer in dreaming big. i'm one of those "shoot for the stars" people. some may say i'm not really a realist. heck, i say dreaming big IS being REAL. some people say "well... i'd like to pursue singing, but i mean, who really has a chance with getting anywhere with that?" to that i say: this is about YOU. YOUR dreams. it's not about anyone else. it's not about their dreams.

if you don't have dreams, what do you have? nothing. if you go through your life settling on things, are you really gonna be happy? are you really gonna be fulfilling god's purpose in your life? are you going to be satisfied?

i know one thing-god places our dreams and passions in us when we are following and pursuing him. he will open so many doors and show us which ones to go through if we follow and obey him. i don't really worry about my future... because i know that god has it all planned out. i just have to listen to where he's telling me to go, what he's telling me to do, and hey, i've pretty much 'got it made.' i'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but i know, with all my heart, that it'll be worth it.

just some things to consider while thinking about what you want.

jealousy.

it's not something i've really felt for a long time. i used to feel it all the time as a kid. ALL the time. but after a while, it just faded. i realized i didn't need to be jealous. because it is a freaking huge waste of time. but now guess what? the jealousy bug has bit. i absolutely hate feeling jealous. it makes my heart so heavy that it seems unbearable.

so what do you do when you feel jealous? how do you get over the feeling? how do you escape from this trapped feeling? i feel like i can't find a way out. i feel like i don't even know why i'm jealous-i really have no reason to be. but i am. and i wish i could help it... but i don't know if i can.

maybe i'm just over-tired and stressed. maybe i'm emotionally drained and this is the result. or maybe, i'm really, truely jealous.

i guess it's just something i'll have to wait and see.

lost.

i sit here
lost in a world of confusion.
i'm searching for you.
waiting for you to find me.
you led me here.
i lost sight of you.
i can't find you.
i've searched relentlessly.
and still you're no where in sight.
have you noticed?
have you realized i'm not with you?
not behind you?
not following you?
does your heart ache?
like mine aches?
because you, too, can't find me?
i've realized some things.
i've realized the thoughts of my heart.
i know where i stand.
i know how i feel.
i find it hard to function.
i can't focus.
this confusion consumes me.
but i still sit here waiting
praying you'll find me.
dreaming you need me
as much as i need you.