pain can teach you a lot of things. and after most of the pain has passed, the past can teach you a lot of things.
i've learned so much about myself through this experience, and i've grown as a person through all of this.
i don't want to forget everything that's happened, because that'd mean ten months of my short life, wasted. so i'll keep in mind all the happy times, but move on with my life, making new happy memories.
life, being single, is pretty free. i've never realized how much a relationship can hold you back (probably because this was my first).
and friends, friends are amazing. always there with a listening ear, words of comfort, or just someone to lean on. and also there to tell you to stop being stupid and just get over it.
go friends, life, singleness, freedom, pain, past, future, memories, and happiness. :)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
i've got issues.
i just totally redid my blog, and it made me want to blog.
i've got issues, but God is good.
that was the sermon at church last night, and i pretty much loved it.
another thing i just so happened to love?
two guys in front of me who were full out worshiping God. singing, raising their hands... i almost fainted. (okay, so i didn't. but! it really made my heart go all squishy.) and it wasn't too bad that they were pretty good looking too. ;)
i love the saying "a woman should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him to find her." that's how i want to live. i want to be lost in God so much that people have to seek Him to find me.
this is deffinatly a love journey.
i've got issues, but God is good.
that was the sermon at church last night, and i pretty much loved it.
another thing i just so happened to love?
two guys in front of me who were full out worshiping God. singing, raising their hands... i almost fainted. (okay, so i didn't. but! it really made my heart go all squishy.) and it wasn't too bad that they were pretty good looking too. ;)
i love the saying "a woman should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him to find her." that's how i want to live. i want to be lost in God so much that people have to seek Him to find me.
this is deffinatly a love journey.
according to you.
according to you - orianthi
according to you. such an amazing song. especially right now in my life, as i go through a break-up and heart break, this song is so uplifting.
if you go watch that video up there, and listen to the lyrics, you won't regret it. ;)
this song makes me realize, even if i don't have a guy in my life right now, God is the "him" that thinks i'm Beautiful, incredible, can't get me out of his head. He thinks i'm funny, irresistable, everything he ever wanted.
and until a guy comes along who totally agrees with God, i'm perfectly happy that God's the "him" in this song.
now this isn't to say, i don't miss being held and loved and whispered to and adored, but i guess i gotta realize, God's been holding me and loving me and whipsering to me and adoring me all along.
He's into me for everything i'm not, according to you.
so tell me what i've got to lose. ;)
according to you. such an amazing song. especially right now in my life, as i go through a break-up and heart break, this song is so uplifting.
if you go watch that video up there, and listen to the lyrics, you won't regret it. ;)
this song makes me realize, even if i don't have a guy in my life right now, God is the "him" that thinks i'm Beautiful, incredible, can't get me out of his head. He thinks i'm funny, irresistable, everything he ever wanted.
and until a guy comes along who totally agrees with God, i'm perfectly happy that God's the "him" in this song.
now this isn't to say, i don't miss being held and loved and whispered to and adored, but i guess i gotta realize, God's been holding me and loving me and whipsering to me and adoring me all along.
He's into me for everything i'm not, according to you.
so tell me what i've got to lose. ;)
Saturday, January 30, 2010
out of control.
i hate feeling out of control. not like i hate when i can't control every aspect of my life, but when i feel like i can't control my attitude and outlook. right now, i feel like my mind is out of control, and i hate that. all i want is to be held and to be loved and to feel safe, but i don't care who from. and that kinda scares me.
lately, i've been feeling out of my mind. it kills me to say that i found reassurance (for lack of a better word) in myself from some guy. i only believed i was beautiful or pretty or funny or stylish or this or that because he told me i was. and that really sucks. so, here's to hoping i can change that. and here's to hoping that won't happen again.
now, i'm going to go try to clean up this mess without hardening my heart.
long, difficult process? yes.
worth it? oh yeah.
lately, i've been feeling out of my mind. it kills me to say that i found reassurance (for lack of a better word) in myself from some guy. i only believed i was beautiful or pretty or funny or stylish or this or that because he told me i was. and that really sucks. so, here's to hoping i can change that. and here's to hoping that won't happen again.
now, i'm going to go try to clean up this mess without hardening my heart.
long, difficult process? yes.
worth it? oh yeah.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
heartbreak.
"Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don't deserve me. They're right, you don't deserve me, but I deserve you."
"as soon as forever is through, i'll be over you."
"breaking up is like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream."
"true love is when you shed a tear and still want him."
"the times when we were happy together are worth the times i cry alone."
"its hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't, but its harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do."
"When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When you said you loved me, you meant I was no different from any other girl. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you."
"with all the pieces of my broken heart, i still love you."
"once upon a time, i was falling in love. but now, i'm falling apart."
"I can't talk to you anymore. it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you, and that makes me love you even more."
"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him."
"I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?"
"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."
"Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours."
"If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will."
"I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you."
"Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you."
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."
"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."
"There's this place in me where your finger tips still rest... your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo... It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."
"I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day."
"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile."
"There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right."
"I just realized, it's so lonely being free."
"that "someday" when your heart is supposed to heal, when you're supposed to be able to move on, when they say you can live again, never really comes, does it?"
"You don't realize how much you care about someone until they don't care about you."
"It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all."
"Look in my eyes and you will find me, but look in my heart and you will find you."
"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it."
"A great love? It's when you shed tears for him but still you care for him. It's when he ignored you but you still long for him. It's when he starts loving another, and yet you manage a smile and find the courage to say "I'm happy for you." "
"Missing you isn't the hard part, knowing I once had you is what breaks my heart."
"I wish you were here with me, I wish I was there with you, but most of all I wish I didn’t have to wish for you."
"My heart is broken and I feel so much pain. I don't want to believe this is over, because what we had was just too special for such a short time. There has to be more, eventually. There has to be."
"I've changed so much. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and from that I've grown. I guess that's what happens."
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other."
"From the very moment I met you, I knew you would be important in my life. And even though we're broken and we aren't speaking, I don't think your time of importance in my life is over."
"What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you."
"Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you."
"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object or its love."
"I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up."
"I don't know how to not love you, I only know how to not let you go."
"Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
"Yesterday? Yes. I was there just today. And I'll probably be there for all of my tomorrows, too."
"Just for this one night I will not think about you. I will have fun, and laugh again. And enjoy every minute. Tomorrow I will deal with the hangover."
"It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy
with someone else, but it's more painful to know that
the one you love is unhappy with you."
"Never say goodbye when you still want to try.
Never give up when you still feel you can take it.
Never say you don't love a person when you can't let go."
just some quotes i've found. some of which were said by me. enjoy.
"as soon as forever is through, i'll be over you."
"breaking up is like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream."
"true love is when you shed a tear and still want him."
"the times when we were happy together are worth the times i cry alone."
"its hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't, but its harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do."
"When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When you said you loved me, you meant I was no different from any other girl. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you."
"with all the pieces of my broken heart, i still love you."
"once upon a time, i was falling in love. but now, i'm falling apart."
"I can't talk to you anymore. it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you, and that makes me love you even more."
"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him."
"I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?"
"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."
"Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours."
"If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will."
"I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you."
"Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you."
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."
"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."
"There's this place in me where your finger tips still rest... your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo... It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."
"I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day."
"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile."
"There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right."
"I just realized, it's so lonely being free."
"that "someday" when your heart is supposed to heal, when you're supposed to be able to move on, when they say you can live again, never really comes, does it?"
"You don't realize how much you care about someone until they don't care about you."
"It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all."
"Look in my eyes and you will find me, but look in my heart and you will find you."
"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it."
"A great love? It's when you shed tears for him but still you care for him. It's when he ignored you but you still long for him. It's when he starts loving another, and yet you manage a smile and find the courage to say "I'm happy for you." "
"Missing you isn't the hard part, knowing I once had you is what breaks my heart."
"I wish you were here with me, I wish I was there with you, but most of all I wish I didn’t have to wish for you."
"My heart is broken and I feel so much pain. I don't want to believe this is over, because what we had was just too special for such a short time. There has to be more, eventually. There has to be."
"I've changed so much. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and from that I've grown. I guess that's what happens."
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other."
"From the very moment I met you, I knew you would be important in my life. And even though we're broken and we aren't speaking, I don't think your time of importance in my life is over."
"What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you."
"Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you."
"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object or its love."
"I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up."
"I don't know how to not love you, I only know how to not let you go."
"Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
"Yesterday? Yes. I was there just today. And I'll probably be there for all of my tomorrows, too."
"Just for this one night I will not think about you. I will have fun, and laugh again. And enjoy every minute. Tomorrow I will deal with the hangover."
"It breaks your heart to see the one you love is happy
with someone else, but it's more painful to know that
the one you love is unhappy with you."
"Never say goodbye when you still want to try.
Never give up when you still feel you can take it.
Never say you don't love a person when you can't let go."
just some quotes i've found. some of which were said by me. enjoy.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
here comes the rain.
so for about the past year, i've felt like i've been in this dryspell with God. for most of the year (excluding random weeks), i just felt like i wanted absolutely nothing to do with God. i don't really remember why, but even though my heart was longing for that faith that i had before, i was too stubborn to "admit defeat" and go running back to him.
but today, i think a dam broke. the city called my heart isn't dry and stubborn and closed up... it's filled with hope and joy and peace and God's glorious love. i suddenly feel like i want to do everything in my life for God and i don't want my life to be my own anymore. the thirst of my soul has been quenched.
so, to say the least, it's a pretty happy day.
hallelujah. :)
but today, i think a dam broke. the city called my heart isn't dry and stubborn and closed up... it's filled with hope and joy and peace and God's glorious love. i suddenly feel like i want to do everything in my life for God and i don't want my life to be my own anymore. the thirst of my soul has been quenched.
so, to say the least, it's a pretty happy day.
hallelujah. :)
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