i hate feeling out of control. not like i hate when i can't control every aspect of my life, but when i feel like i can't control my attitude and outlook. right now, i feel like my mind is out of control, and i hate that. all i want is to be held and to be loved and to feel safe, but i don't care who from. and that kinda scares me.
lately, i've been feeling out of my mind. it kills me to say that i found reassurance (for lack of a better word) in myself from some guy. i only believed i was beautiful or pretty or funny or stylish or this or that because he told me i was. and that really sucks. so, here's to hoping i can change that. and here's to hoping that won't happen again.
now, i'm going to go try to clean up this mess without hardening my heart.
long, difficult process? yes.
worth it? oh yeah.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
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