forever.

"you realize we're only 15 and we're not going to last forever, right?"

words that really make you think.
i mean, i know we're only 15. and i mean, i know we're not going to last forever, no matter how much i hope, wish, or dream - its just not going to happen.
but sometimes, even though that is kept in mind, i just let myself get to caught up in my hopes, wishes, and dreams, and i think "maybe we will last forever... maybe we'll beat the odds." but, eventually, those hopes, wishes, and dreams crash.
leaving me hopeless, frightened, and depressed because i let my expectations go too far.
don't get me wrong, dreaming, wishing, and hoping are all amazing things that everyone should do... but there's a point... an extreme... where it's just too much and too far.
the more hopes of us being forever that i shove into my heart, the more my heart is going to break when we crash and our "forever" turns into "we're over".
so how do i stop this vicious cycle? how do i get rid of these unhealthy wishes, dreams, and hopes?

i honestly wish i knew.
because as much as you love someone, you also must love yourself, and you must do what's best for you. and i know that these wishes, hopes, and dreams aren't what's best for me.

the hardest thing for me is trying to figure out where i went wrong - where i let myself go too far.
in the beginning, everything was just fine and dandy - as much as i liked him, i didn't think we'd last more than two weeks so i was just being cool with whatever, trying to set myself up so i wouldn't be very heart broken when it ended.
now, nine months has come and gone, and i've realized how deep feelings run. but how long do they last, is my question? because i don't like sitting here waiting to find out. my heart is way past a point where there can even be a hope of it not being shattered after this.

but i guess we'll never know. just like you don't know when your last day on earth will be, you don't know when your last time with somebody is (that is, unless you do something about it in either situation).

isn't not knowing just frustrating?