Oh How I'd Love To Be A Benchwarmer

on this lovely, rainy evening, i was enjoying myself, locked up in my room with a huge serving of velveeta mac&cheese and a water bottle full of pink lemonade. and don't forget my laptop...

i spent a good two hours (i get distracted easily... the movie was only about an hour and a half) watching the benchwarmers. great movie. when you set aside the inappropriate moments and some bad language, it has a great message. you don't have to be good at something to have a great time with it. sometimes being good at things stops us from seeing how much fun life can be... if we're too serious about something we think or it as more of something we have to do, when we started out thinking it was something we get to do. hey, maybe that sounds like something a little kid might say ["hey, i get to do the dishes with mom!" or "whoo! i get to do yard work with dad!"]. what happened that made us start thinking in the way that says "i have to do this... and i really don't want to, but i'm going to anyways"? and who are we comparing ourselves to? who says we can't be successful in our own little ways? to me, success is more of a state of mind... maybe you're the worst batter on the team, but you hit a single during a scrimmage. in my mind, that is success. maybe it's like that for other people. maybe it's not.

i was known as the good-little-church-girl. probably still am on occasion. and i started to try to form my life to live like that. i 'got good' at being 'spiritual' and 'praying,' and soon i was thinking "ug. i have to go pray now." did i really have to? no. did i? yes. did i happily and willingly? no. thinking back on it, i don't know how i could even think such stupid thoughts. i guess you live and learn, huh? i'm still working on changing my mind frame to "ooo... i get to go pray to my Wonderful Maker who loves me and listens to me and cares for me!" from "whoop-de-do. i gotta get this over with asap." it's a long, grueling process, but i think it'll pay off in the end.

guess it's just a part of my dance with God. started out having a great time... then it became like class i unwillingly showed up to... changing my mind frame yet again. ;]