can i ask you something?

can i ask you something?
did you mean to break my heart?
can i ask you something?
did you love me from the start?

did it kill you
as much as it killed me
to have to think
we just weren't meant to be?

did you feel
the same things i felt?
when i walked in
did your heart melt?

did you know
how hard i fell for you?
did you know
every "i love you" was true?

heart.

it breaks my heart to see my friends hurting.

it breaks my heart beyond belief.

it hurts me just as much as when i'm hurting, because they're a part of me.


:(


there's too much hurt in this world.

thankfully i have a God who brings healing.


i love you Lord.

amazed.

wow. what a month it has been. right now i'm on break, as thursday was the last day of the third quarter. about 2 weeks ago, i was failing at least 4 of my classes... and i decided that because of all the events that have gone on this quarter, my grades wouldn't count for me - if i didn't reach my goals i couldn't beat myself up because it was just a tough time in my life. so, i'd try for next quarter.

well, i went on and checked my grades this morning... and i'm amazed to say that i have all a's and just one b. i did NOT see that coming.

but now i start fourth quarter. and i'm hoping that this last stretch of my freshman year will be amazing - heck, i'm going to make it amazing. i've been really branching out in friendships recently, and i think that's really helping me.

now, i'm just hoping that i stay healthy.

God is faithful.

there was a grass fire that got out of control in our neighbors' yard. the winds changed, and suddenly, it was coming towards our house. thank God that no one was hurt and the only damage was between 1 and 2 acres of charred grass and a melted fence. in the beginning of the video, and at the very end, there's some orange - that small fire got up to about 8 feet before the fire department put it out.

God is faithful!

once upon a time.

once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who was loved by many. this princess loved a lot of people, but sometimes, she felt very very very alone. one day, she was travelling through the woods, thinking about how thankful she was for her life and looking around at the beautiful scenery. She saw a mother deer prancing around twenty feet away from her, and she followed it, becoming distracted in the beauty of the deer. the sun started setting, and the princess realized she was very very lost. she wanted to find her way out, but she had no clue how. eventually, after the sun had almost totally faded, she sat on a log and cried, not caring that she was ruining her beautiful dress. "i don't know what to do! i don't know where to go!" she cried.
eventually her sobs subdued, and as she listened to the frightening noises of the darkened woods, she heard the crunching of leaves and twigs - footsteps. whoever was in the woods with her was coming in her direction very very quicky. not knowing what to do, the princess remained still, not breathing so hopefully she would go unnoticed. suddenly a figure appeared in her view, and she continued to hold her breath. The figure stopped, and the princess closed her eyes, wishing to disappear, but she hiccuped, and the figure stepped closer to her. "Princess?" a gasp escaped her lips. "It is me." she replied, standing. He stepped forward, taking her hand and kissing it on the back. He stood, and they embraced. "How did you find me?" the princess mused. "I followed my heart." the man replied.He took her hand, and carefully led her out of the woods back to the castle. Standing in the glow of the moonlight, she kissed his cheek. "My prince, my prince, i'm so glad that you have found me." The prince kissed the princess. "Forever, you have been the one i've loved. And forever i will love you." The prince said, cupping the princess' face in his hands. "You are so beautiful, and i love you. You are the only one i can ever love." the prince continued. "Be with me forever." The princess urged. The prince smiled and nodded. "You didn't even have to ask." and they both lived happily ever after.

march 17.

tomorrow.

it should be a happy day for me.

we should be celebrating.

but we're not.

instead i'm mourning.

mourning the loss of you.

your choice of leaving me.

but i'm moving on.



i miss you...

do you miss me?









march 17, 2009.
the day my world changed forever.

crashed.

so that day your world came crashing down.
the unexpected became something you should've seen coming.
but you let yourself go, you let yourself believe,
that what everyone said was true, rather than believeing you.

happily ever after.

story of my life.

sometimes, i just don't know what to say.

i just don't know.

but that happens to the best of us, doesn't it? ;) jus'sayin.

Forever and always.

Girls' view: forever.

Guys' view: for now.

why?

why? why don't you believe me?
you run from the truth.
you see darkness, but i see the light.
i see the light in your eyes as you live,
live your life that you underestimate.
i wish i could show you the reality.
show you who you really are
in the eyes of God, me, and everyone around you.
and show you how true it is.
you're beautiful.
every time i say that, i mean it.
i would never ever lie about something like that.
never.
i love you.
also something i would never ever lie about.
when i tell you these things,
they're true.
they're from the bottom of my heart,
the depths of my soul.
you are so amazing.
i promise you.

thinking.

so... i was thinking about how i needed to blog. and i was also looking back onto my old twitter post, my old blog posts, my old facebook posts... all my old posts make me so happy. they're so well thought out and just... me. but lately, it's like i just skim the surface of what's going on. i give the view, not the feeling. it drives me crazy. but i can't figure out where the feeling is. it's like... having lost someone close to me just totally drew me out of my little artistic world. i can't even think up a short poem. it's starting to really freak me out because i don't like it... not at all. i want my little artistic world back.

please, please artistic brain...

come back to me.




i miss you.

broken.

some people think that the pain of losing someone, may it be via break-up, death, distance, or something else, resembles the pain of ripping off a band-aid. there's a little sting, but it's not too major, and it's fairly easy to get over. but in reality, this isn't just a little sting, forgotten after mere seconds. this pain, it's more like breaking your leg. breaking you leg, without a cast to help you heal.

at first, you need to take it easy. give yourself a rest. after that, the only way to continue moving is to lean on the people who love you the most. and healing is going to be awkward. very awkward. and everyone has their own ways of healing. it takes a long time to totally heal. and while you're healing, there'll still be the aching reminder while you're just trying to get through it all. but eventually, there is healing. there's hope for someday, being able to totally move on.

but moving on isn't forgetting. it's not losing the memories. it's looking back and seeing how you've grown and how you've learned. it's seeing all the time together as something amazing in your life, things that you're so thankful and lucky to have experienced. it's realizing this is just life. this is just what we have to go through to become who we really are meant to be.

dreadful.

march.

a month i've been dreading ever since january. and now, it's here.

ahh wonderful.

i have no big plans... so i'll be spending plenty of time at home. thinking. just thinking. hopefully lots of learning and growing. hopefully not a lot of crying.

we'll see.